A visit with the Doctor (...the real one.)
Hey Kyle,
Time to ask you a medical question. No, no pictures of the weird fucking heatrashes developing in my leg-pits, this is about getting old. And my butt.
In later stages of life, will I lose the ability to control my rectum?
Because there is this 50 year old dude who just went waddling out of the office, running for the bathroom with squeaky-buttfarts squirting out with every hurried step. At first I thought someone was making balloon animals or something, then cought a glimpse of him clenching his hips and struggling to get out the door. It coulda just been bad tacos or something, but I guess it was just really weird, and fucking awesome.
Okay, I guess incontinence is inevitable, but how bout this butt question. Is it true that there are spelunker-like trained miner-elves in our colons that detect when the urge to burst is gaseous matter or solid waste, and open the flood-gates accordingly? I think once Tomasz claimed there were hairs in there that make that crucial choice for you. I think someone should pluck out all those hairs and produce wigs for bald men that would act as some type of helmet. If its a windy day, you're fine, let the breeze blow. If it starts to hail, your new hairs all bunch up and stiffen and protect you from konks on the nogging. wtf am i talking about?
Time to ask you a medical question. No, no pictures of the weird fucking heatrashes developing in my leg-pits, this is about getting old. And my butt.
In later stages of life, will I lose the ability to control my rectum?
Because there is this 50 year old dude who just went waddling out of the office, running for the bathroom with squeaky-buttfarts squirting out with every hurried step. At first I thought someone was making balloon animals or something, then cought a glimpse of him clenching his hips and struggling to get out the door. It coulda just been bad tacos or something, but I guess it was just really weird, and fucking awesome.
Okay, I guess incontinence is inevitable, but how bout this butt question. Is it true that there are spelunker-like trained miner-elves in our colons that detect when the urge to burst is gaseous matter or solid waste, and open the flood-gates accordingly? I think once Tomasz claimed there were hairs in there that make that crucial choice for you. I think someone should pluck out all those hairs and produce wigs for bald men that would act as some type of helmet. If its a windy day, you're fine, let the breeze blow. If it starts to hail, your new hairs all bunch up and stiffen and protect you from konks on the nogging. wtf am i talking about?
posted by ryanerik at
3:56 PM
2 Comments:
Maybe i'm not 'qualified', but let's see one of those 'real' jokers fake their own abduction or trail a missing friend with all their stethoscopes and radioactive equipment. it just couldn't happen.
Oh, right, but bowel movements - real funny stuff.
hahaah... yeah, fuck. You gotta get back on Shingo san's trail man!
Step One: find his mixi ID.
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