Thank Fucking God
Today I incidentally stumbled upon the only news source I ever even vaguely read, MSN's own front page (worldwideweb.msn.computers), which automatically loads after I sign out of the Hotmail. I usually close the window before any news of world events reaches my eyes and threatens to throw my blissfully ignorant psychological harmony off-balance, but this time something caught my eye:
this guy no longer LUVs his SUV!
It was followed by this article:
The damage:
Sales of the perennial best-selling SUV, the Ford Explorer, dropped by 58% compared with September 2004. Its larger kin, the Ford Expedition, which gets 14 mpg in city driving, saw sales drop 61%. Ford stopped producing its even larger SUV, the Excursion, last month.
GM’s full-size SUVs, due to be replaced with more fuel-efficient models next year, fell 56%. Sales of its Hummer H2 – so heavy it doesn’t fall under the EPA’s fuel-mileage ratings system -- were off by 31%, but the brand’s smaller new SUV, the H3, is off to a brisk start. It’s rated at 16 mpg in city driving.
Toyota moved 46% fewer of its immense Sequoia sport-utilities, rated at 15 mpg city, and sales of its smaller SUVs were off sharply as well. Sales of Honda’s largest SUV, the Pilot, fell 26%. Nissan sold 20% fewer of its 13-mpg Armadas.
So finally it has become abundantly clear that nobody needs a squarish, off-roadin', combustible-tire exlodin' hunk-a-junk to navigate through the suitably-paved avenues of suburbia. And finally it seems the Ford Company has no choice but to explore some new transportation options, to focus on replenishable feul sources, rather than probe the earth's depleting resources and begin the long excursion to create non-polluting vehicles.
My solution to Ford's predicament? I call it The Ozone: a Hybrid foam rubber car that runs on garbage and turns nuclear waste into delcious chai tea lattes. And that is why Ford Company pays me so much money. Here is a general mockup of my idea of what the Ford Ozone should look like...
It was followed by this article:
The damage:
Sales of the perennial best-selling SUV, the Ford Explorer, dropped by 58% compared with September 2004. Its larger kin, the Ford Expedition, which gets 14 mpg in city driving, saw sales drop 61%. Ford stopped producing its even larger SUV, the Excursion, last month.
GM’s full-size SUVs, due to be replaced with more fuel-efficient models next year, fell 56%. Sales of its Hummer H2 – so heavy it doesn’t fall under the EPA’s fuel-mileage ratings system -- were off by 31%, but the brand’s smaller new SUV, the H3, is off to a brisk start. It’s rated at 16 mpg in city driving.
Toyota moved 46% fewer of its immense Sequoia sport-utilities, rated at 15 mpg city, and sales of its smaller SUVs were off sharply as well. Sales of Honda’s largest SUV, the Pilot, fell 26%. Nissan sold 20% fewer of its 13-mpg Armadas.
So finally it has become abundantly clear that nobody needs a squarish, off-roadin', combustible-tire exlodin' hunk-a-junk to navigate through the suitably-paved avenues of suburbia. And finally it seems the Ford Company has no choice but to explore some new transportation options, to focus on replenishable feul sources, rather than probe the earth's depleting resources and begin the long excursion to create non-polluting vehicles.
My solution to Ford's predicament? I call it The Ozone: a Hybrid foam rubber car that runs on garbage and turns nuclear waste into delcious chai tea lattes. And that is why Ford Company pays me so much money. Here is a general mockup of my idea of what the Ford Ozone should look like...
posted by Robert Scabbage at
3:35 PM
3 Comments:
Almost new best post.
but Zombie Paris Hilton's nipple down there just edges ahead.
I remember hearing an interview with some Hummer sales prick regarding poor fuel efficiency saying "I don't even know what the mileage is! Nobody's even asked before!"... which is bullshit, but he can't be saying that anymore.
And if he is, Knuckle Sandwiches for everybody!!!
Didn't us three discuss a city of conveyor belts that runs on the SMELL of burning garbage?
How the hell did that happen?
Maybe they can make a car that runs on the smell of me BURNING YOUR ASS so hard core in those clever quips I made at your expense during our private eMail session just prior to this.
Maybe they can, ya know?
*Yesss... yet another one bites my dust, Nelson.*
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